NAP: Dende Must Die 6

Chapter 6: (Psycho vs Dende/Lincoln Part 2)

Inside the weasels' office, the sly fox with his comrades entered the place.

Chowder: This is their office? Looks run down to me.

Chowder then pressed the auto dialer machine.

Puppetmon's Voice: Hello, constituents, this is your president. When I took office years ago, I made a solem promise to help you, the American people. Now, thanks to your collective short-term memory, I can say that I've delivered on that promise.

It stopped as Panini frowned.

Panini: What does that have to do with anything?

The message was hit once more.

Puppetmon's Voice: In the upcoming elections, it's important to ask yourself: do you feel safer than you did 3 years ago? Or would you rather return to the days when crazed packs of robotic hyenas prowled the streets, targetting their death-ray laser eyes on you and on your children?

It stopped with Mr. Bump looking annoyed.

Mr. Bump: Don't remind me of that...ever.

He pressed the button again.

Puppetmon's Voice: As far as you know, my administration is the only thing keeping your home safe from the bloodthirsty robotic hyenas. Remember that, and God bless America.

Voice: Paid for by the committe to remain in office at any cost.

Chowder: What hyenas? I only see Banzai, Shenzi, and Ed trying and failing to catch food alot.

The fox then looked at the fish in the bowl.

Foulfellow: Undertow seems to have calmed down quite a bit now. Just remind me never to clean his tank again with a cut on my finger.

Mr. Bump: I still don't trust him, John. He's tasted your blood.

Foulfellow: (ponders) Hmmm, I wonder what their old pal, Jimmy Kudo is doing right this minute.

Chowder: Probably sleeping off a night of two-fisted hard-boiled action givin' two-bit thugs the what-for, all on account on some dame.

Miss Whoops: Yeah, he's the coolest.

Mr. Bump: Still, this place could use a bit of remodeling.

Foulfellow: Well, I was saving it for a surprise for those weasels when they come back, but I booked them on that "Mega-Extreme Office Makeover" Show. They just have to sign the release forms and decide where to put the whirring sawblades.

Miss Whoops: Hey Chowder, did you lose weight?

Chowder: I had to for my new modeling contract.

Miss Whoops: What modeling contract?

Chowder: For the cover of my magazines.

Mr. Bump: The one written in your scribbles? Chowder...

Then, Gideon opened the door, noticing a familiar figure tied up and gagged, muffling.

Mr. Bump: Hmph, what do you know, it's the bounty hunters' favorite shifty card cheat, the Bowler Hat Guy.

Miss Whoops: I was wondering what happened to him. Hi, Bowler Hat Guy, how you doing?

He muffled and shouted a bit.

Miss Whoops: Good, good.

Foulfellow: Let's hope those idiots remember to feed you.

Then, the TV was turned on.

Chowder: Wonder how the election's doing so far?

Just then, on TV, the group saw the weasels with Mr. Grumpy, Miss Chatterbox, Mr. Happy, and Miss Sunshine on TV as the statue with Chuckles looked down at them.

Nack: Mr. Lincoln, perhaps you'd like to speak about the importance of Family Values.

Dende: (nods) Of course. A strong family unit is the rock upon which our society is built. It's easy today, in this age of your "blinged-out" horseless carriages and racy daguerrotype magazines, to believe that honesty and fidelity are outdated concepts. But I stand proud. I have been completely faithful to my lovely wife, Ami Onuki for over a score year. I've never even looked at another woman.

Mr. Grumpy: Well that figures with you.

Miss Chatterbox: Oh, that's so adorable. I bet you and your wife get along. By the way, is she around?

Dende: Uh no...she's gone.

Miss Sunshine: (sadly) Oh, we're sorry to hear that.

Mr. Happy: Too bad.

The fox chuckled, going near the phone with Carl and Gideon.

Mr. Bump: You know, maybe he won't be such a bad president. I mean with a good guy like that...

Miss Whoops: But what about Chuckles? He's evil.

Mr. Bump: Oh, right...that pig.

Nack cracked his knuckles, glancing at the cue cards before motioning both Mr. Grumpy and Miss Chatterbox to it. They nodded before heading to it.

Nack: Contestants, it's time for our lightning round! Mr. Lincoln, I'm going to name some of the tough issues facing our country today. I'd like you to sum up your stand on those issues in a few concise words.

Dende: Well...all right. (sighs) I'm afraid this will have to be completely off the top of my head, as I have nothing prepared...

Mr. Grumpy: (frowns) Now you tell us!

Nack: First question...where do you stand on religion and schools?

As Foulfellow picked up the phone with Carl holding it and Gideon dialing the phone, Dende, on TV, glanced at where Miss Chatterbox and Mr. Grumpy were with the cue card the fox placed earlier.

Dende: Two wrongs don't make a right.

Crowd: Boo!

Mr. Bump: I can't believe you, Dende!

The fox chuckled a little mischievously.

Mr. Happy: (surprised) Did we hear that right? Dende just came down against both religion and education. Wow, that's gotta hurt him in the polls!

Then, the results showed "Dende 60%, Psycho %39, and JusSonic 1%". Then, while the phone rang, Miss Chatterbox took out the cue card.

Miss Chatterbox: Here, let us fix that.

Nack: Next up, how do you plan to solve the problem of toxic waste?

After the sign was removed, Dende looked at the next sign placed there before speaking.

Dende: Free home delivery.

Crowd: Booo!

Miss Whoops: Boo!

Miss Sunshine: Oooh, an effective, but very controversial proposal from candidate Dende and the crowd didn't like that one bit. Let's see how it affected the polls.

The next results saying "Dende 50%, Psycho %39, and JusSonic 11%" were shown while it kept ringing.

Foulfellow: Come on, pick up already!

Mr. Grumpy: The very idea! That has that con fox written all over it!

He removed the sign, not noticing the first sign placed there.

Nack: Mr. Lee or Lincoln, I'd like you to tell the voters your stand on some of the tough issues.

Dende: Very well.

Nack: (pointing) How would you describe your tax plan?

Dende looked at the final sign.

Dende: Give me all you got!

Crowd: Booo!

Chowder & Panini: Booo!

Mr. Happy: And candidate Lincoln has proposed one shocker of an economic strategy, which even Demoncrats are calling "A Trifle Excessive". That had to have hurt him in the polls.

The results showed saying "Dende 40%, Psycho %39, and JusSonic 21%" on it.

Betty's Voice: Hello? Dende? Is that you?

Carl: (quietly) Guys, turn that off! I'm on the phone, for Pete sake unless you want me to give you the bird!

The others yelped, quickly turning off the TV.

Others: Sorry.

Mr. Bump: Argit told us he hated that song alot.

Carl: (quietly) Shh! Shut up! You're ruining it. (to Betty/in Dende's Voice) I, Dende Lee, am that man.

Betty's Voice: Oh, well, Mr. President...uh, hero guy...it's just...it's just such an honor to talk to you. I saw your application and I was wondering...would you like to go out sometime?

Carl: (Dende's voice) This is a date that will be remembered for centuries to come.

Betty's Voice: Oh my! You are a charmer, aren't you? Well then, Mr. Railsplitter, where would you like to meet?

Carl: (Dende's voice) I stand here at the steps of the White House.

Betty's Voice: At the White House, got it. What time should I meet you?

Carl: (Dende's voice) The time to act is now.

Betty's Voice: Oooh, I love that decisiveness. I'll rush right over.

Carl: (quietly) Guys, watch this. He-he. It's classic. (in Dende's Voice) Ahem. (to Betty) I'm gonna slap you silly, you little punk!

Betty's Voice: What? I didn't catch that last part.

Carl: (creepy voice) I will feassst on your entrailsss and devour your sssoul!

The fox and cat only laughed a bit.

Betty's Voice: WHAT?! Dee Dee, what's going on? What are you doing? If this is a joke-

Carl yelped a bit.

Carl: (normal voice) Gah! Uh, see you soon, bye!

He hung up quickly.

Carl: Phew, close one. Can't get much worse than this.

Then, they heard towing before they saw the car that was stolen towed away.

Foulfellow: Hmmm, shouldn't have parked near that hydrant.

Miss Whoops: Great, now how will we get back?

The fox then noticed some rope pulled downward. To their notice, they saw the canines in the familiar blimp before the fox grinned.

Foulfellow: I believe I found it, Miss Whoops.

Back at the White House, Dende continued ranting a bit.

Dende: So to sum up: family values are the bedrock of this nation. Our fidelity, honesty, and loyalty to family is our most sacred asset as Americans.

Nack: Candidate Psycho, your rebuttal?

Psycho: Pbbbbbbbbllltttt!

Mr. Grumpy: Crooked cucumbers, stop stalling!

Then, in came a familiar blimp before the door to the blimp opened and out came the scouts with con men and three familiar pets.

Bolt: And you rigged an election?

Mr. Bump: He says it's for the best.

Foulfellow: Besides, I know what I'm doing.

Then, the group along with the other worker dogs gasped, noticing Betty waving near the agents.

Betty: (waving) Yoo-hoo, Mr. Lee!

Nack: I believe we have a question from the audience, from someone who is not candidate Lincoln's wife.

Then, they saw the others arriving with Mr. Grumpy looking annoyed.

Mr. Grumpy: What are you guys doing here?

Mittens; We saw those scout friends of yours get stuck and we animals decided to work together on this one.

Rhino: We rock!

Betty: Oh, hi Nack and Psycho. You too, Sarah, Mr. Grumpy, and Miss Chatterbox.

Psycho: Greetings, random harlot.

Betty: Dee Dee, I'm here! Are you ready for our date?

Five: (shocked) Date!?

Mr. Grumpy: JOHN!

Foulfellow: (nonchalant) I had nothing to do with it.

Mr. Grumpy: Yeah right!

Dende: Wha-ah! Wait, I've never seen that woman before in my life!

Betty: But on th ephone, you sounded so eager to meet me.

Carl: (peeking) Ha! Loser!

They glared at him.

Dende: Listen to me, America; I did not arrange a date with this woman!

Foulfellow: (smirks) Ooooh, so she's good enough to fool around with, but not to date?

Betty: (horrified) Dende, I can't believe you're doing this to me!

She then began sobbing before running away while the crowd booed.

Foulfellow: (smirks) Mission accomplish. I can see it now.

Then, a flyer saying "Extra: 'Family Values' Caught in tryst with career woman. Polls down". Finally, it showed the results saying "Dende 30%, Psycho 39%, and JusSonic 31%".

Miss Sunshine: (peeking) Can I take this down now? My arms are getting tired.

Mr. Happy: Of course, Miss Sunshine. (to the camera) The results from the Emergency Election are coming in...

Then, the paper came saying "Election Day: Voters make best of horrible situation".

Miss Sunshine: Oh, what is it! What is it?

Mr. Happy: And it appears that former sitcom star, Psycho, has been elected President of the United States!

Miss Sunshine: And his lady becomes First Lady! Hooray for everybody! In an unprecedented show of bi-parisan solidarity, all of the country's political parties have desperately asked for a recount.

It then showed a paper saying "Dende to make dignified concession speech."

Mr. Happy: Well, let's cut to the White House lawn to hear candidate Lincoln's address...

Miss Sunshine: Is this gonna be like that one episode of Time Squad when Abe became evil?

Dende angrily shoved the papers aside as he angrily shouted.

Dende: You've gotta be ****ing me! (angrily) YOU IDIOTS!!

Just then, the wires sparked as steam came out of the statue's ears and the eyes turned red.

Psycho: (grins) He took the news much better than expected.

Mr. Grumpy: (worried) Doubt it.

Dende: (robotic-like voice) **** Democracy! I will make you all my hypnotic slaves!

He growled, sending eye beams to the agents, making them dizzy.

Chowder: AHHH! They're doing it again!

Carl: Quick, the collars!

He snapped his fingers, making collars appear on Mr. Happy and Miss Sunshine just as the beams were about to hit.

Mr. Happy: (frightened) What's going on?

Miss Sunshine: This is not good! We have to leave before-

Then, to their horror, they notice the dogs, cat, and hamster all hypnotized before they growled toward them.

Miss Chatterbox: EEEK!

Mr. Grumpy: Oh, why me?

Nack: Guys, that robotic Abe Lincoln will enslave the entire East Coast, heck maybe the entire planet, if we don't stop him!

Psycho: who cares? I'm the President of the US! Let's go bomb someone into oblivion!

Nack: Not just anyone, Psy...(seriously) DENDE MUST DIE!!

Chowder: Yes! Title reference! I love title references!

Mr. Bump: (groans) Not now, Chowder.

Quickly, they began to run from the hypnotic dogs.

Mr. Happy: Get us out of here!

Miss Sunshine: AHHH! Those animals are chasing us!

Sarah: To the White House! Hurry!

Quickly, the weasels with Mr. Happy and Miss Sunshine entered, though the door was locked, making Mr. Bump's group collide on it.

Miss Whoops: Yipes!

Nack: You guys are gonna have to find a way to stop Lee/Lincoln before this whole place tears apart.

Sarah: (notices) Guys?

Then, to their notice, they saw some familiar figures arguing while at the War Room doorway, Yamaki was guarding it.

Mr. Happy: I think he's guarding the War Room.

Miss Sunshine: With no war, yes.

Miss Chattebox: We'll find a way to stop it. Don't you worry!

Foulfellow: We'll find out how to get you guys the Truth Telling Formula.

Psycho: A what?

Mr. Grumpy: Long story, don't ask.

Sarah: Well, hurry!

Nack: Make sure you call us!

Then, Miss Chatterbox showed her cell phone.

Miss Chatterbox: Don't worry, I got you guys on collar ID.

Foulfellow: (notices) The cat and hamster are pouncing toward us!

They ducked as the hynotized lead animals jumped, with the group ducking down. Quickly, they headed to the blimp.

Mr. Grumpy: We'll take the blimp. Come on! You guys in the White House, we'll find a way to get to you without those things attacking!

Then, the blimp closed as the ones not hypnotized were in. Quickly, the air ship took off while the dogs barked, the cat meowed, and the hamster squeaked. All while the five trapped inside looked worried.

Mr. Happy: I don't like where this is going.

Miss Sunshine: (frightened) Me either.

The worried reporters only hugged a bit.

Mr. Happy: Don't worry, I'm still here, Miss Sunshine.

Inside the office, Psycho jumped to his seat with Sarah sitting in the one next to his.

Ozzie: (frowns) Finally, Mr. President and Miss First Lady, you're here.

Flea: (surprised) Those are the President and First Lady? (frowns) People will vote for anyone these days.

Ozzie: Obviously.

Flea: (glares) What's that suppose to mean?

Ozzie: It means...(groans) Nevermind.

Nack: Look, guys, all the Generals are here!

Psycho: (proudly) I don't have time for Foreign Dignitaries. (pointing) Check out all the cool stuff on my new desk!

Nack then looked at the ribbon.

Nack: It's the Secretary of Presidential Whimsy Ribbon. Looks like those two can use this to appoint someone as an honorary cabinet secretary.

He picked it up, smirking to it. Nack then looked at the calendar.

Nack: It's the official US Calendar.

Psycho: 12 of the Hottest Supreme Court Justices in their skimpies, naughtiest swimsuits.

Sarah: Actually, this is even better, despite what you said...you can actually change the official date.

Psycho: Oh boy!

Then, Sarah looked at the Sticky Note saying "Today", then placed it on April 3rd.

Psycho: (to the camera) We now declare today April 3rd, the beginning of Passover. Shalom! Let my people go!

Sarah: Psycho...he-he-he. You're so silly.

Nack placed the sticky note on April 1st.

Psycho: We declare today April 1st, the first day of Nack's indefinite lock-up in the dank dungeons beneath the White House.

Nack: (angrily) What?! I thought we were pals, Psy!

Psycho: He-he-he. April Fools!

Nack: (dryly) Very funny.

Miss Sunshine then noticed the sticker with Mr. Happy noticing as well.

Mr. Happy: You have that one all wrong. It goes right here.

He placed the sticker onto where April 9th was.

Sarah: (confused) Why April 9th, Mr. Happy?

Mr. Happy: Because today...he-he. Well, today's actually Little Miss Scary's birthday!

Just then, a diaper wearing baby mouse with black hair, a pacifier, and a little sombrero hat appeared with a horn. This was Baby Speedy.

Baby Speedy: Did someone say...birthday?!

Just then, the group looked at the baby mouse playing his horn. When it was done, the pacifier mouse smiled and wirled.

Baby Speedy: Ole!

Then, with that, he left the scene with the others looking confused.

Miss Sunshine: Who was that?

Nack: Some kid who appeared sometime ago during that whole

Psycho then looked at the sticky note placed on Easter.

Psycho: We now declare today April 8th, Easter Sunday.

Nack: Yipes, we better start hiding eggs on the White House Lawn.

Psycho: Already did it, Nack.

Sarah: (concerned) Psycho, are these the "eggs" that are made of metal and shaped like a pineapple and have a pin in them?

Psycho: Don't be silly, Sarah, I took the pins out first.

Just then, explosions were heard outside before they saw the dogs knocked away and them along with Bolt, Mittens, and Rhino knocked out.

Nack: Well, that's one way of knocking their senses back.

Psycho: Just blame the Toon laws of physics, Nack.

Nack then placed the note on the 22nd.

Psycho: We now declare today April 22nd, Earth Day.

Sarah: People of America, take this day to ignore all practical concerns and devote all your attention to one day of crackpot extreme environmentalist activism, which you'll forget about for the rest of the year.

Psycho: People of Berkeley, California: Keep up the good work.

Then, the note was placed on the 27th.

Psycho: We now declare today April 27th, Arbor Day.

Nack: Everybody go outside today and hug a tree.

At that moment, they heard the dogs awakening and barking/speaking.

Dogs: Trees! Trees! Trees!

Psycho: Hug nothing! This year, I'm hoping to get to second base!

The cat, lead dog, and hamster groaned a bit.

Sarah: They're okay, at least.

Nack: So what are we doing here, guys?

Psycho: I keep getting whiny memos about the giant robotic Abraham Lincoln with Dende's soul, who's rampaging through Washington, enslaving the populace. I guess we'd better do something about that.

Mr. Happy: Hmmm, can't you get yourselves into the War Room, Mr. President?

Psycho: I kept hearing about presidential powers, but it's all just boring bureaucratic stuff. I was hoping I'd be able to make things explode with my mind.

Miss Sunshine: Well, that figures.

Sarah: For real, what's the date today, Psycho?

Psycho: I'm President of hte United States, guys! What date do you want it to be?

Nack: Ah, glad we took this time to talk.

Psycho: (nods) Keep in touch, Nack. I mean that.

Sarah: I just hope we can get through with this soon...and hope the others are doing okay.

(End of Chapter 6)